wat bout pragnant strippers??
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
