girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
