I forgot how hot balto sounded
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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