if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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