the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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