you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
