Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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