he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
