I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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