this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
