My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He shit in the fireplace
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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