just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize