im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
