I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
