I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
