i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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