why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
try to milk me bitch
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