my phone needs a breathalizer
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
