please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
