you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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