im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
