I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
