but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
