Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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