My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
