Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
