A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
