I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
