im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
