As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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