what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
