He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
