And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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