There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
