i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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