I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize