I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
