I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
