The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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