He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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