you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
