All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
