today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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