So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My ass is underappreciated
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
