just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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