At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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