Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
