3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I want a musical about memes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize