Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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