I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
