we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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