Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
