did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
