Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
