I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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