bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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