Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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