I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
