Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
