I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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