her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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