Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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