I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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