Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
