i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
