he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
