last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
