you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
