I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
