this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
