How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
