Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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