Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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