I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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