I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
