that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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