apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
