I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
