There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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