smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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