how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
