You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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