My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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