Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize