You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
