The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
