nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I need moral support for this bender
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
