worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
