david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
