I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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