I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
