i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dear god my vagina.
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