Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
