You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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