hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I pour the whiskey from now on
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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