I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
