Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
