hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
