Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
