im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
