You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
