I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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