Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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