just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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