im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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