Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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