Soap is not a condiment
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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