I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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