he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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